THE RED SKULL REVEALED; SPIDER-MAN PORNO TRAILER RELEASED; INITIAL THOUGHTS ON "THE GREEN LANTERN!"

Yikes, I've been blogging like crazy lately... I hope this urge to write constantly continues!

I just got in the door from seeing "Green Lantern," but before I get into that I'll share some cool movie news with ya'll. First up, here is a photo of Hugo Weaving as Captain America's stalwart nemesis, THE RED SKULL:

God he looks freakin' awesome! While I'm still not one-hundred percent sold on the look of Captain America's WWII costume, I have no complaints about the Red Skull.

Next up, here is the all new trailer for Vivid Entertainment's next Super-Hero Porno: SPIDER-MAN - THE XXX PARODY! Apparently Vivid did a HULK porno that got rave reviews, so they decided to continue bastardizing America's mythological heroes by having them bone the comic book gals us nerds always fantasized about.

The list of characters consists of Peter Parker/Spidey, The Kingpin (played by... Peter O'Tool? Hahahahaha!), Electro, Gwen Stacy, Mary Jane Watson, Betty Brant, Black Widow, J. Jonah Jameson, Robbie Robertson, and Flash Thompson. (There's no way Marvel would OK this, so I'm assuming they are utilizing the same law that allows Weird Al to parody the work of other musicians.) And this isn't some project done on the cheap folks... this is a full feature-length film, with hardcore sex and CGI f/x! I'm not kidding; watch the trailer:


Finally, before I head off to bed, let me chat a bit about "Green Lantern" while it is still fresh in my mind. I went into the theater with lowered expectations (thanks to a heads up from Newt from Underbelly) and that helped me to not hate this movie. At best, the "Green Lantern" is a mediocre superhero film that only succeeds in being an entertaining cinematic experience because of its failures. (There are a lot of scenes here that are supposed to be dramatic, but ended up giving the audience a good laugh.)

"This suit is too dull. Let's 'improve' it with a few million dollars worth of CGI!"

Ryan Reynolds stars as Hal Jordan, a cocky fighter-jet pilot who ends up getting a Green Lantern ring from a dying alien named Abin Sur. Hal eventually learns how to access the ring's power, and makes a trip to the planet Oa where the audience is given a bunch of expository information. (If you know absolutely nothing about The Green Lantern, this section of the film will get you up to speed.) He is told of the Lantern Corps origins, and briefly trained in combat by fellow "emerald knights," Kilowog and Sinestro.

After being defeated (i.e. humiliated) by Sinestro (who literally goes all Captain America on Hal at one point), our hero goes back to Earth to mope around until he gets a taste for superheroics and receives some tender advice from his love interest. Finally accepting his role as a Green Lantern, Hal must defend Earth not only from his first major foe, Hector Hammond (the lovechild of Professor X, John Carpenter, and The Elephant Man) but also an evil fear-devouring monstrosity known as Parallax. Will Hal be able to save Earth (and his girl) from the world-devouring Parallax? Will Sinestro foolishly try to utilize the power of the Yellow Ring if Hal fails in his mission? Truthfully, you probably won't really give a damn.

This movie will be a major letdown to the hardcore Green Lantern fans, and just plain "meh" for everyone else. (Except kids; they'll probably love the sh*t out of this movie.) The characters aren't really all that interesting (except for Peter Sarsgaard as Hector Hammond), the whole subplot involving Hal's psychological issues is pretty generic and handled rather clumsily, Blake Lively is cute to look at but doesn't prove to be much more than a damsel in distress, and the effects.... Christ the effects are really a mixed bag.

CAN YOU DIG IT?!

Mere months ago I saw Marvel's "THOR" and was blown away at how well that movie brought Asgard to life. It was done so well, and the film itself managed to find a good balance between spending time on Midgard (Earth) as well as Asgard. "Green Lantern" attempts to do the same, but fails miserably. And Oa, though cool to look at, seems more like something you'd see in a video game cut scene; it fails to pull you in and make you believe that it is a real place. Also, a lot of the CGI in this is laughable; you'd think the effects artists could have done a better job, especially when given some extra time and around nine-million to do some "touch up work" mere weeks before opening day.

Overall, "Green Lantern" is a lousy start for a new superhero franchise because it fails on so many levels. However the final battle between Hal and Parallax (the giant fecal space-octopus) is admittedly cool, and Peter Saarsgard gives a memorably goofy performance as the whiny big-brained Hector Hammond. (Sarsgaard is so over the top at times and results in many of the films unintentionally funny moments.) If you're dead set on seeing "Green Lantern," then I highly suggest you catch a matinee of it. Otherwise, save your money for next month's Summer blockbusters or, better yet, go see "Super 8" instead.

John Carpenter as The Elephant Man in "Green Lantern."

Oh yeah, I almost forgot! There is an extra scene that takes places shortly after the credits begin to roll. For those of you who know the Green Lantern mythos, you won't be surprised at what happens: Sinestro takes possession of the Yellow Lantern ring (that the Guardians stupidly created) and is engulfed by the power of FEAR! So Hal and the rest of the Green Lantern Corps will now have to contest with the "Sinestro Corps" if the sequel gets made... and it most likely will. Here's hoping that Warner Bros. and DC do a better job with the story and effects (and characters) the second time around.