NOW PLAYING - HANSEL & GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS and JOHN DIES AT THE END.

January is the month where all the major studios dump their wretched refuse; this is the time of year where films go to theaters to die. The tradition continues with the release of HANSEL AND GRETEL: WITCH HUNTERS. This gritty retelling of the classic fairy tale has the two famous children growing up to become professional witch hunters, which makes sense since they were nearly eaten by one in their youth. Using anachronistic weaponry (I don't think they had shotguns and Gatling guns back then), the two siblings deal out justice to those who would dabble in dark magics and ride on brooms. Check out the trailer below:


It looks like dumb fun, and part of me kind of wants to throw down $8 to $10 to see it. It's a cool concept, Gemma Arterton is hot (I've had a crush on her since the shitty Clash of the Titans remake - read my review for that here), the witch designs are interesting (it would seem no two witches are exactly alike... unless they are conjoined twins), there's explosions, and Jeremy Renner as medieval Hawkeye. (Much like Chris Hemsworth was "medieval Thor with an axe" in "Snow White and the Huntsman.") However, I'm tight on money at the moment, so I'll just patiently wait for the DVD release later this year.

Also out now is a film I've already seen and was totally perplexed by (I rented it off of Amazon last month). I've never read the novel that the film is based on, but apparently I should have according to most sources. JOHN DIES IN THE END is currently playing in limited theaters (most likely New York, Los Angeles, and a few other big cities). The trailer will definitely entice you to check it out:


The film follows two buddies named John and Dave who get caught in the middle of an interdimensional invasion. Along the way they have to deal with the dead, the undead, meat monsters, hallucinogenic drugs, alternate timelines, and gateways to other worlds. The movie is pretty crazy, but is an engaging piece of cinema that boasts a colorful cast, which includes Paul Giamatti, Clancy Brown, and Doug Jones. Plus, it was directed by Don Coscarelli, who really needs to get on the ball and get "Phantasm 5" in the can before Angus Scrimm (who makes a cameo in "John Dies in the End") is too damned old to chase people and toss coffins into the back of a hearse!

I sort of "got" the movie, but apparently it meshes together a lot better if you've read the book. If you haven't, order it at Amazon.com, and give it a look. Got a Kindle? Then get the Kindle Edition.

That's pretty much all that's worth noting this week. If you're not up for either of these and are in the mood for cheesy/violent action flicks, there are plenty to choose from at the moment. Schwarzengger is back in action in "The Last Stand" (which won't be in theaters much longer since it flopped), Jason Statham is doing his usual thing in "Parker," and Josh Brolin and Ryan Gosling (among others) gun down gangsters by the dozen in "Gangster Squad."

If you hit up the theaters this weekend, leave a comment below and share your thoughts on the movie(s) you saw. Was it good? Was it bad? Were there any good trailers before the film? Let us all know!