NOW PLAYING: SCARY MOVIE 5 & ANTIVIRAL

Before I begin to talk about one movie you probably won't be able to see, and another you shouldn't, allow me to apologize for now doing a "NOW PLAYING" blog post last week. I was caught up in the EVIL DEAD madness and was spent after reviewing the film and arguing about it with others all last weekend. To do a quick recap, last week saw the releases of EVIL DEAD, 6 SOULS [limited release], EDDIE: THE SLEEPWALKING CANNIBAL [limited release], and JURASSIC PARK 3D!

With that out of the way, here are the newest theatrical offerings you can see on the big screen this weekend. First up is SCARY MOVIE 5:


If you sat through that entire trailer and didn't crack a grin, chuckle to yourself, or laugh out loud... then you are in intelligent human being. Egads this one looks awful; I'm pretty amazed this franchise hasn't been banished to direct-to-DVD hell by now. Boasting a cast full of actors and actresses who are no longer relevant, and chock full of tired jokes that have already been done by other awful spoofs, this seems like a recipe for disaster. But I KNOW that somehow, this piece of shit movie is going to end up in the top ten. You know what? Forget it exists and go see "42" this weekend instead, or keep EVIL DEAD in the number one spot for one more week. Heck, give the completely unnecessary 3D conversion of JURASSIC PARK a go. JUST DON'T GO SEE SCARY MOVIE 5 FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!

The only other genre film to hit (select) screens this weekend is ANTIVIRAL:


Oof... it looks like an awful AMERICAN PSCYHO rip-off with a terrible dub-step soundtrack. This is a movie I'd miss out on, if only because of the trailer. Upon further inspection though, this film was directed by Brandon "son of David" Cronenberg. The story involves some dude that becomes infected with a mysterious virus that kills a supermodel. It's one of those "race against time" thrillers that looks to offer up some artsy blood and guts, so it may be interesting. ANTIVIRAL is only getting a limited release, so it's only playing in a handful of theaters across the country. If you see it, feel free to share your thoughts below.